8 Strategies for Handling Challeging Student Behavior

8 Strategies for Handling Challenging Student Behavior

I am about to start my twentieth year as a teacher.  I have learned so much during that time.  One way that I have grown the most is in the area of building relationships with students. There is one experience I had a few years ago that really changed my thinking about how I interact with my students, and it had an amazing impact on my classroom management and how I handled challenging behaviors.

A few years ago I decided that I would like to volunteer at a crisis hotline.  As a volunteer there I answered calls and talked to people about abuse, bullying, PTSD, grief, depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide.  We answered calls for adults, and for a teen crisis line, and for the National Suicide Lifeline.  Needless to say, there was extensive training that every volunteer had to go through before they were allowed to answer phones.  At the same time, I took a few counseling classes from a local university and started co-teaching guidance lessons with the school counselor. 

I went into the volunteer work with the goal of helping people who were in pain and needed someone to talk to.  I had no idea that it would have such an impact on the way I taught and related to my students. It has totally transformed my outlook and relationships with my kids, especially the students with very challenging behavior.  Here are some of the things that I learned and practice today with very positive results. 

Try Not To React  

It can be difficult to keep from reacting to a situation, especially if the behavior that is happening has happened many times before, or when the behavior is very extreme.  It is important to stay calm and leave any and all judgment about the situation out of your tone of voice, your body language, and your facial expressions.   Stay calm and neutral, because when a student’s emotions are running high, it’s more important than ever that we keep ours in check.  When we are reactive, it often escalates the situation.  Change is not going to happen in highly emotional situations.

Practice Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional Positive Regard is a concept created by psychologist Carl Rogers. It means to practice acceptance of a person, no matter what he or she says or does.  So no matter how out of control a student’s behavior is, you treat that student with respect and acceptance, and refrain from showing judgment.  Of course it will be necessary to speak with the student about the behavior, but you will want to refrain from using phrases like, “I can’t believe you’re doing this again,” or “We have talked about this over and over again!” 

Listen and Speak Reflectively

Listening reflectively is saying what someone says back to them in your own words.  It shows the person speaking that you are listening to them.  It can seem very simple, but it is very effective when done with kids, and with adults!  People, no matter their age, want to know that they are being heard.  Letting your students know that you are hearing what they are saying can diffuse situations and take away the overwhelming emotions that make it hard for a student to speak calmly.

Here are some examples.

“You’re upset because he hit you.”

“I can tell you’re really angry.”

“That was very difficult for you to hear.”

“I can tell you feel strongly about that.”

“So she said something mean and that hurt your feelings.”

“It seems like that really bothered you.”

One example of when this was particularly effective stands out in my memory.  I had a student who would get angry often, and he would run away from his teachers.  One day he got very upset because of something another student did, and he started to run. I said, “You’re really angry.”  He stopped running and came back to me, and then we talked about the problem.  I validated the way he felt and it helped to calm the “fight or flight” reaction he was having.  Once the emotions weren’t so strong, he was able to talk to me and we discussed some different ways of handling situations like these. 

Let Some Things Go

In the situation I mentioned above I had several choices about what to do about the behavior.  I chose to let it go.  It had been addressed several times in the past, and I believed we were making progress.  I felt that adding something punitive would have set that progress back.  It is okay to let some things go because you have the big picture in mind.  In this case, the big picture was helping him deal with strong emotions without running, and I felt we had just made a big step in the right direction.    

Add To Their Toolbox

Many kids come to school with a toolbox that is already full of tools they use to cope without them even having to think about it.  They have been taught since a very young age how to handle situations when they are angry, or sad, or frustrated, or when things are hard.  Some kids, sadly, come to school with empty toolboxes.  They have huge emotions and sometimes huge problems and they have no idea how to handle them. 

We as teachers can add to their toolbox.  It should be noted that this should NOT happen when a student is very emotional.  But afterwards you can have a conversation acknowledging their emotions, and let them know that it’s okay to feel the way that they feel.  Sometimes they think they are bad because they feel angry or sad, and that’s absolutely not the case.  Let them know that it’s normal, but there are different ways to handle their feelings.  After that you can give them specific tools for them to do the next time they are faced with the same feelings.  It’s not something that is going to change overnight, but they will learn how to use those tools.

Build Them Up

It’s no surprise to any teacher to hear that when a student has very big behavior issues, there is often a reason.  We have all had our hearts broken by the things that some of our students have to face.  Many of these kids come to school and that is the only place they may hear something positive about themselves.  Regularly give them positive feedback about their work, something they did that you noticed, a time they made a good decision, etc. 

Be Patient

Some kids, especially those with very dramatic behavior, may have a hard time trusting people.  Keep working with them, seeing the big picture, and letting them know that you are there for them.  If a child has been let down by adults throughout life, he or she may try to push you away when you start to form a relationship.  Keep trying.  Use all of the tools in YOUR toolbox.  Trust takes a while to build, but they will eventually learn that you are there for them and you’re not going to let them down.  Through it all remember to not be reactive, to stay calm, and to not show judgment. 

 Ask For Support

It’s okay to not be able to handle everything.  It doesn’t make you a bad teacher.  Don’t be afraid to ask for support from an administrator or a teammate.  We all have different strengths and one of them may have a strategy that will help you reach that child.

Dealing with challenging behavior can be hard.  It can be frustrating.  But once you are able to build a really strong relationship with a student, it is amazing how successful they can be.