8 Strategies
for Handling Challenging Student Behavior
I am about to
start my twentieth year as a teacher. I
have learned so much during that time.
One way that I have grown the most is in the area of building
relationships with students. There is one experience I had a few years ago that
really changed my thinking about how I interact with my students, and it had an
amazing impact on my classroom management and how I handled challenging
behaviors.
A few years ago
I decided that I would like to volunteer at a crisis hotline. As a volunteer there I answered calls and
talked to people about abuse, bullying, PTSD, grief, depression, anxiety,
self-harm, and suicide. We answered
calls for adults, and for a teen crisis line, and for the National Suicide
Lifeline. Needless to say, there was
extensive training that every volunteer had to go through before they were
allowed to answer phones. At the same
time, I took a few counseling classes from a local university and started
co-teaching guidance lessons with the school counselor.
I went into the
volunteer work with the goal of helping people who were in pain and needed
someone to talk to. I had no idea that
it would have such an impact on the way I taught and related to my
students. It has totally transformed my outlook and
relationships with my kids, especially the students with very challenging
behavior. Here are some of the things
that I learned and practice today with very positive results.
Try Not To React
It can be difficult to keep from reacting to a situation, especially if the behavior that is happening has
happened many times before, or when the behavior is very extreme. It is important to stay calm and leave any
and all judgment about the situation out of your tone of voice, your body
language, and your facial expressions.
Stay calm and neutral, because when a student’s emotions are running
high, it’s more important than ever that we keep ours in check. When we are reactive, it often escalates the
situation. Change is not going to happen
in highly emotional situations.
Practice Unconditional Positive Regard
Unconditional
Positive Regard is a concept created by psychologist Carl Rogers. It means to
practice acceptance of a person, no matter what he or she says or does. So no matter how out of control a student’s
behavior is, you treat that student with respect and acceptance, and refrain
from showing judgment. Of course it will
be necessary to speak with the student about the behavior, but you will
want to refrain from using phrases like, “I can’t believe you’re doing this
again,” or “We have talked about this over and over again!”
Listen and Speak Reflectively
Listening
reflectively is saying what someone says back to them in your own words. It shows the person speaking that you are
listening to them. It can seem very
simple, but it is very effective when done with kids, and with adults! People, no matter their age, want to know
that they are being heard. Letting your students
know that you are hearing what they are saying can diffuse situations and take
away the overwhelming emotions that make it hard for a student to speak calmly.
Here are some
examples.
“You’re upset
because he hit you.”
“I can tell you’re
really angry.”
“That was very
difficult for you to hear.”
“I can tell you
feel strongly about that.”
“So she said
something mean and that hurt your feelings.”
“It seems like
that really bothered you.”
One example of
when this was particularly effective stands out in my memory. I had a student who would get angry often,
and he would run away from his teachers.
One day he got very upset because of something another student did, and
he started to run. I said, “You’re really angry.” He stopped running and came back to me, and
then we talked about the problem. I
validated the way he felt and it helped to calm the “fight or flight” reaction
he was having. Once the emotions weren’t
so strong, he was able to talk to me and we discussed some different ways of
handling situations like these.
Let
Some Things Go
In the
situation I mentioned above I had several choices about what to do about the
behavior. I chose to let it go. It had been addressed several times in the
past, and I believed we were making progress.
I felt that adding something punitive would have set that progress
back. It is okay to let some things go
because you have the big picture in mind.
In this case, the big picture was helping him deal with strong emotions
without running, and I felt we had just made a big step in the right direction.
Add To Their Toolbox
Many kids come
to school with a toolbox that is already full of tools they use to cope without
them even having to think about it. They
have been taught since a very young age how to handle situations when they are
angry, or sad, or frustrated, or when things are hard. Some kids, sadly, come to school with empty
toolboxes. They have huge emotions and
sometimes huge problems and they have no idea how to handle them.
We as teachers
can add to their toolbox. It should be
noted that this should NOT happen when a student is very emotional. But afterwards you can have a conversation
acknowledging their emotions, and let them know that it’s okay to feel the way
that they feel. Sometimes they think
they are bad because they feel angry or sad, and that’s absolutely not the
case. Let them know that it’s normal,
but there are different ways to handle their feelings. After that you can give them specific tools
for them to do the next time they are faced with the same feelings. It’s not something that is going to change
overnight, but they will learn how to use those tools.
Build Them Up
It’s no
surprise to any teacher to hear that when a student has very big behavior
issues, there is often a reason. We have
all had our hearts broken by the things that some of our students have to face. Many of these kids come to school and that is
the only place they may hear something positive about themselves. Regularly give them positive feedback about
their work, something they did that you noticed, a time they made a good
decision, etc.
Be
Patient
Some kids,
especially those with very dramatic behavior, may have a hard time trusting
people. Keep working with them, seeing
the big picture, and letting them know that you are there for them. If a child has been let down by adults
throughout life, he or she may try to push you away when you start to form a
relationship. Keep trying. Use all of the tools in YOUR toolbox. Trust takes a while to build, but they will
eventually learn that you are there for them and you’re not going to let them
down. Through it all remember to not be
reactive, to stay calm, and to not show judgment.
Ask For Support
It’s okay to
not be able to handle everything. It
doesn’t make you a bad teacher. Don’t be
afraid to ask for support from an administrator or a teammate. We all have different strengths and one of
them may have a strategy that will help you reach that child.
Dealing with
challenging behavior can be hard. It can
be frustrating. But once you are able to
build a really strong relationship with a student, it is amazing how successful
they can be.
